Sounds incredible, doesn't it? $9,000 a day means $45,000 a week! Or you could work just half a day and make $4,500!
Or one-ninth of a day and make $1,000! Or one-nine-hundred-thousandth of a day and make 9 cents!
Maybe you want to work a couple hours, take a break, work for fifteen minutes, go away for three weeks, then work for two more minutes! That's $2,035.40!
Or maybe you want to work for one nanosecond -- that's ($9-x)(1-0) !
The possibilities are endless! With our system and a calculator -- or just a good knowledge of the nines part of your times table -- you'll earn the fraction and/or multiple of $9,000 that's right for you!
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All text © 2009 by John Marshall. All rights reserved. You heard me.
Earn $9,000 a Day!
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NOTE: You might lose money when we set the clocks ahead.
Last year instructor Harold Erblo earned $27,540 working only on Tuesdays from 1:03 to 1:06 a.m.
The Humorous Art of Putting Your Child on Your Outgoing Message
One-Day Brain Surgery Workshop
EH EH BLORT GA GA GA
Hey, it ain't brain surgery. Actually, it is. But you can learn everything you need to know (or sound like you know it, which is just as good) in this class that allows you to operate on someone's brain with no prior medical knowledge.
Because healthcare is now a wholly-owned subsidiary of the insurance industry, high-level procedures once exclusive to surgeons are now open to anyone, regardless of skill or how many grades you completed.
So sign up now -- you won't believe how much fun it is fooling around with someone's mind.
Instructor / "neurosurgeon" Joey Furley has operated on dozens of brains and he's not even smart, plus he has butter fingers.
Children are not just miracles of God, they're also fun props that can be used to amuse family and friends. Who doesn't like calling someone and hearing a really long message from a babbling toddler?
You'll learn how to turn your child's natural incoherence and lack of verbal skills into an outgoing message that your callers will be forced to enjoy, over and over and over again.
Instructor Gerald Blight is a parent who believes children should not be exploited unless it's over the phone.
Shad the Grad sez:
NEVER PUT OFF UNTIL TOMORROW WHAT YOU CAN SAFELY GET AWAY WITH NEVER DOING
Journey to the Center of the Earth Date Night
Join an Angry Mob!
Traveling to the Earth's molten core is more than a risky scientific expedition -- it's a great way to meet people! Why? Because there are thousands of potential romantic partners living at the center of the Earth -- people just like you and me, except they have a body temperature of 972° F.
Instructor Diane Flemb asks students to wear something attractive and non-flammable.
If you're quick to anger, slow to learn, and enjoy running through the streets brandishing a torch with other townsfolk, you may have what it takes to join an angry mob!
Not as motivated as protesters, as witless as rioters, nor as focused as looters, angry mobs have confronted such historical figures as Frankenstein, the Hunchback of Notre Dame, the Wolfman, the Mummy, Dracula, the Creature From the Black Lagoon, the Invisible Man, King Kong, Godzilla, and the colonial British.
We'll show you how to stop thinking like an individual and start thinking like part of a crowd of drunk individuals.
Medieval anger management historian Alistair Belred is the author of Village Idiots for Dummies.
Step On a Crack, Break Your Mother's Back
Have you ever wanted to control the goods that flow into and out of the United States but found you simply could not do so? Then the wide world of ports is for you!
Ports are fun, touristy and only partially about screening cargo for weapons grade plutonium. You’ll examine up to 4.5 million container units a year, using the industry standard of radiation detectors, gamma ray scanners and guessing. So if you’re a fan of maritime security or you just happen to have a spare $6.8 billion, let us help you place a bid on eBay. Specify New York, Newark, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Miami or New Orleans.
Your instructor is Brandy. She works in a port, serving whiskey to sailors who won’t marry her.
Own and Operate Your Own U.S. Port!
Ever stepped on a crack and broken your mother's back? George Hetworth has -- thanks to an unrepaired sidewalk, he sent his mom to the chiropractor 27 times in the 1990's alone.
No matter how old the woman who raised you is, you’ll learn how to afflict her spine with everything from sciatica to herniated discs – all by stepping on ordinary concrete fissures!*
George Hetworth also teaches a class on the popular poem, Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack.
*cracks
FORGOTTEN HOW TO ASK ANNOYING QUESTIONS IN CLASS? TAKE OUR ANNOYING QUESTIONS REFRESHER COURSE!
